Four Lakh Afghanis and Three Cows
The Price of a 16-Year-Old Girl’s Life
Farhat, a Victim of Forced Marriage
“One month after my engagement, I got married. No matter how much I cried, my uncle did not take pity on me and did not stop the marriage with a man older than me. My wedding day was a day of mourning for me. When I saw my husband with his two children, my body went numb. I didn’t know how I would live, but I was sure I would never see happiness again.”
Farhat (a pseudonym), a 16-year-old girl from Aqcha district in Jawzjan province, was forced to marry a 35-year-old man under pressure from her uncle. The man had lost his wife to cancer and had two young children from his previous marriage.
Farhat sits in a small, dimly lit room. The plaster walls are crumbling, the corners are darkened with dampness, and the heavy silence fills the space. She has her knees pulled to her chest, resting her chin on them, tightly wrapping her scarf around herself. Her face looks pale, and her eyes, swollen and lifeless from nightly crying, reflect her despair.
She was only eight years old when she lost her father and was confronted with a bitter fate. Her uncle, who took responsibility for her, her two brothers, and their mother, was the first to change the course of her life. With her father’s death, the first decision her uncle made was to stop her from continuing her education. At the time, Farhat was in the second grade, but she was no longer allowed to go to school. Instead, she was kept at home to help her aunt with household chores and take care of the children.
“When my father was alive, we had a good life. But when he passed away, darkness fell over us. My uncle didn’t let me go to school. He said I had to help my aunt take care of the children and do housework. Now, his own daughters go to school, but I was never allowed.”
As she speaks, tears well up in her eyes, and a heavy lump forms in her throat. “Whenever I protested, my aunt would taunt me, saying, ‘Your uncle provides for you, so you must obey him.’ From the day my father died to the day I got married, no decision was made based on what my mother or I wanted.”
A Life Sold Like a Trade
Farhat’s life changed the moment her cousin’s engagement was finalized. Her uncle’s family needed money, and she was their only option. They put a price on her—400,000 Afghanis and three cows. She had no right to object because her uncle needed the money to pay for his son’s wedding expenses.
In the fall of last year (1402 in the Afghan calendar), suitors came, and without hesitation, her uncle accepted the proposal. The deal was sealed, and Farhat was engaged without having a choice or even a voice in the matter. The only thing that mattered was financing her cousin’s wedding.
Through teary eyes, Farhat says: “To secure his son’s life, he sacrificed mine. Not long after my cousin’s engagement, my uncle’s friend—who is now my husband—told him, ‘I will pay for your son’s wedding expenses, but in return, give me your niece. I’ll pay four lakh Afghanis in bride price and give you three cows. You don’t even need to prepare a dowry. Just hand over the girl, and that’s it.’”
No one listened to the pleas of Farhat and her mother. She remembers the days she fell at her uncle’s feet, crying and begging him to stop the marriage. But his response was firm: “I have taken care of you all these years like a father. Now, you must accept my decision. If not today, you will marry someday. Since this man is a good person, it’s better to agree.”
One month after the proposal, the wedding was held. While Farhat still didn’t know much about the world outside her home, a white wedding shawl was placed on her head, and she was sent to the house of a man she had never chosen.
A Home That Became a Prison
After the wedding, the house that was supposed to be her safe haven became a dark and cold prison. In the days following the marriage, she was burdened with responsibilities she was never prepared for—taking care of two children aged five and seven who needed a mother, doing heavy household chores, and being a wife to a man who expected her to fulfill the role of a mature woman without question.
“I was still a child. If my father were alive, maybe this wouldn’t have happened. An uncle can never replace a father. He didn’t think about the fact that I was still too young and should not be forced to live with a man 20 years older than me, who already had children. Will I ever see happiness? I will never forget his words: ‘A girl has no right to choose.’ Since my wedding day, I haven’t visited him, and as long as I live, I will never forgive him for this injustice.”
Now, a year has passed since her marriage, and she is five months pregnant.
Married life has brought her nothing but deprivation and hardship. Her husband does not take care of her, her diet is inadequate, and because she has not been able to visit a doctor for checkups, both her own health and her baby’s are at risk. Fatigue, anemia, dizziness, and severe pain are just a few of the problems she faces due to excessive work and poor nutrition.
“My husband doesn’t understand that I’m still a child and know nothing about being a mother. But if his children cry over something or if the housework piles up and their food is late, he yells at me, beats me, and says, ‘You are a grown woman now. You must do everything on time.’”
Farhat doesn’t hide her hopelessness: “Sometimes, I think about ending my life, just to escape this misery. But then I think of my mother, and I fear God. Otherwise, breathing and living have become meaningless for me. This life has brought me nothing but pain. For the rest of my life, I will have to endure beatings and suffering.”
Written by guest author Zara